The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

what is it about life that attracts people? i mean is there some reason people keep reproducing children into a world most people hate anyways?i'm getting so tired of life. is this because of somthing i've done? am i being punished because i've believed the wrong religion or sang a song wrong or danced wrong or didn't listen to someone when i should have? Or did i not say somthing when i should have. should i have told my aunt i loved her and begged her not to do fucking drugs? would that have helped her any? would i have felt less horrible if i had begged my parents to let me stay with my great grandmother one more night? would she have died then? do either one of them look at me in shock or horror or anger at what i've done or become. i'm sorry. i can't change who or what i am any more. i've tried believe me. would my siblings care if i killed myself? would my parents weep? would any of my friends be at my funeral? or would they be the reason i'm in the coffin? would anyone care that i was to scared to find out what happens to people when they finish high school? i have a panic attack every time i think about it. i'm terrifyied at what kind of person i am. i horrifyied by some of the horrible thoughts that go through my head. should i be alowed to live? should i not be put down like some rabid animal that can attack another human at any moment? am i supposed to live with this demon eating away at me inside if only to protect my family and loved ones from it?



keep it secret keep it safe my ass.



it doesn't work that way. he's inside me and i'll never forget that he's there. chewing up and shreading every little bit of humanity and sanity i have. i couldn't live with the thought of my friends dying all around me and i would want to kill myself yet i kno that i can't. if i die he goes to someone else. someone i love and he starts on them. how could i put someone i love through that. how could i make them live through the agony and torture that i must go through day by day to make sure they stay alive. am i being protective or just selfish? am i strong for not wanting it to ruin someone elses life or weak for not admitting that i'm unable to handle what life is throwing at me. should i make as many friends as possible so that when i die he wont be able to choose who he wants next or should i just cut myself off from humanity all together and hope that when i go he goes too? i'm scared and emotionally and mentally exausted. do i need to be locked away? drugged for the rest of my miserable life? do i need to die?







i'm sorry i came here to write my feelings down about other things and i end up ranting and raving about things i didn't even kno were bothering me at the moment. if u were kind enough to listen to all my ranting thank you i do feel a little better now thank you.